Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Chapter 11-Never Too Late

Kaicee was in the bathroom giving Kendall a bath when Pat came in and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet. Kendall was lying in the baby tub and Kaicee was washing her hair with her back to the door.

“Hey,” Pat said awkwardly and Kaicee turned around.


“Want me to do anything?”

“She’s almost done.”

Pat smiled slightly, “Can I still come with you guys today?”

“If you want to, are you sure you don’t have better things to do,” Kaicee replied picking Kendall up and Pat handed her the towel that she was looking for.

“I’m trying here, here let me take her,” he said holding his arms out and Kaicee hesitated but handed Kendall to Patrick who wrapped her in the towel.

“We have a lot to talk about,” she replied, “A lot was said and done but we need to be civil with each other and actually discuss it instead of being at each other’s throats about everything.”

“I know,” Pat sighed standing up placing Kendall on his chest. She had her head on his shoulder and he kissed her head.

“I’m tired of fighting, Patrick; it’s not good for Kendall.”

Pat looked up from Kendall to Kaicee and he felt his heart break as she stared back at him with bloodshot eyes. He knew she cried herself to sleep the night before, he heard her but he was too much of a coward to go and comfort her and apologize for everything.

“We’ll talk later,” he mumbled walking into his room to get Kendall dressed. Kaicee finished getting dressed and Pat came out of the room holding Kendall who was wearing the pink onesie with “Daddy 88” on the back, a pink Hawks headband with a bow, a pink skirt, and her Jordan shoes that Pat had bought her.

“At least you know how to dress her,” Kaicee said trying to make conversation and Pat laughed.

“Say, ‘Naw mommy, I’m a young stunna, stuntin’ like my daddy,’” Pat sad waving Kendall’s hand and smiling.

Kaicee laughed and grabbed the diaper bag off the bed and her purse, “You did not just quote Lil Wayne.
Pat laughed, “Yeah I did.”

Kaicee rolled her eyes enjoying the civil conversation between them, “Are you still okay with going to the zoo? If we go to the park you may not be recognized that much.”

“Zoo’s fine,” Pat replied, “Do you want to drive or do you want me to drive?”

“I’ll drive since the car seat is in my car already.”

“Alright,” he replied as they walked down the driveway to the car.

“I’ll show you how to work the car seat.”

“That will come in handy,” Pat smiled as Kaicee showed him how to install and remove the car seat as well as how to buckle Kendall in.

Pat buckled Kendall in and climbed into the passenger seat. Kaicee pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the Buffalo Zoo. The car was silent the whole way, neither Pat nor Kaicee knew what to say to each other. This was the first time both of them were attempting to meet at a halfway point and make a step towards getting along for Kendall’s sake.

Kaicee grabbed the stroller out of the trunk and Pat unbuckled Kendall from the car seat.

“Having trouble,” Kaicee laughed and Pat sighed before smiling.

“Kind of,” he laughed, “These things are prison for babies.”

“Tell me about it, it took me a week to learn how to do it the right way.”

Kaicee unfastened Kendall and Pat leaned in and took her out gently. She was sleeping and Pat held her against his chest. He was warming up to finally being a father and Kaicee smiled at how content Kendall looked.

“At least I know how a stroller works,” he said placing Kendall down gently before putting a blanket over her body.

Kaicee locked the car after grabbing the diaper bag and her money out of her purse before she placed it in the trunk and locked it.

“I got it,” Pat said pulling out his wallet when Kaicee went to pay.

“Pat, it’s no big deal.”

“Shut up,” he said smiling as he handed the attendant his credit card.

When they were on the elevator since the stroller obviously wasn’t able to go on the escalator, Kaicee received a text from Erica asking where she was.

Where are you?

At the zoo with Kendall and Patrick

Yeah right

I’m serious

Feed my brother to the lions

He’s actually being nice

Look where that has gotten you before

I know, I’ll text you later

Okay and remember what I said, if he starts fighting feed his ass to the lions

LOL! You got it

Pat pushed the stroller as the elevator doors opened.

“Excuse me, would you guys like your picture taken,” the young zoo employee asked Pat who looked at Kaicee.

“What do you say? You up for it,” Pat asked Kaicee who stood there shocked at his sudden change in attitude, “I know we haven’t been the best of friends but it’ll be nice to have a picture of the three of us.”

“Okay,” she replied smiling slightly.

Pat picked Kendall up from the stroller and held her against him and he put his arm around Kaicee as the young girl snapped the picture.

“That’s cute, come on kiss her or something,” she said enthusiastically.

“That’s not a good idea, you see we kind of ha--,” she went to say before she was cut off by Pat’s lips crashing down on hers as he held Kendall in one arm while his other arm held Kaicee close to him.

“Great picture,” the young girl shouted and Pat pulled away smiling awkwardly as Kaicee stood their stunned.

“I need to go um…use the bathroom,” Kaicee said at a loss for words as she headed towards the bathroom.

Pat put Kendall back in her stroller and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, he didn’t know what came over him and he was worried that he fucked everything up ten times worse than he already had.

Kaicee stood in the mirror and flashed cold water over her face. She wanted to shatter her own reflection for feeling sparks when Pat kissed her. She hated him, he made her life hell and he didn’t want to be Kendall’s father.

Wiping her face with a paper towel, she headed back out reluctantly to where Pat was waiting.

“Are you okay,” he asked, “Listen, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You can’t do that again,” Kaicee said, “Just don’t.”

“Why not?”

“We’re not together, Patrick. We hate each other, you hate me for ruining your life and I hate you for being an asshole the last nine months and making my life a living hell. I almost lost Kendall because of you.”

“What do you mean you almost lost her because of me?”

“We got into an argument before you left for you one road trip and I went into false labor. Had Kendall have born at the time that happened, she would have been dead because she wouldn’t have been able to survive on her own because her lungs weren’t developed. You hate me for ruining your life and you have said so much shit to me that has been hurtful. I don’t know why I have never hit you, I seriously wanted to punch you in the face last night when you said what you did. Patrick, like it or not, we have a daughter that needs the both of us in her life. I figured you’d come with me today so I could try to talk to you but then you kissed me and I really wanted to hit you. You can’t expect me to just forget everything that happened. I don’t know who you are or what you have became over the last nine months but it sure as hell wasn’t the Patrick I remember.”

Pat put his head down and looked at Kendall who was facing him in her stroller, he looked over at Kaicee who had put her head down on her arms.

“Don’t cry, Kaicee,” he said putting his arm around her back, “I’m so sorry for everything. I stayed up all night thinking about the way that I have treated you. It took my whole family to tell me what a scum bag I was for treating you that way. I had no idea you almost lost Kendall. God, I don’t know what I would have done if you would have. I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to her. I definitely don’t want to hurt you anymore and I really wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I lost you either.”

“I heard something last night that I need to ask you about,” Kaicee said looking up at Patrick.

“What did you hear?”

“I was coming into your room to get Kendall and I heard you talking to her.”

Patrick froze before swallowing hard, “How much did you hear?”

“I heard her telling her that you loved her but then I also heard you say that you loved me, Pat I need you to be honest with me. If you love me, why did you hurt me all of those months?”

“I was stupid, that’s why. No one knows what I go through, what it’s like to be judged by the media every time something happens with me. When I was arrested last summer, they put me a microscope. Every time I fuck up, it’s front page news. I knew that if I fucked everything up, it would ruin me. I did fuck up Kaicee, I fucked up big time. I don’t know the side of me that came out in the fights and I sure as hell didn’t like the monster that fought with you last night.”

“You didn’t answer the first part of my question, do you love me?”

“Of course I love you, you’re the mother of my child.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Why do you care anyway? You have Jon.”

“We broke up,” Kaicee replied, “We broke it off before I came back.”


“He told me he loved me and I didn’t answer him and he asked me if I was in love with someone else and I told him yes.”

“What the hell? How did you find someone else and I didn’t know about it? Is it another one of the Hawks?”


“Is it Steeger?”



“No, he has a girlfriend.”




“Oh yeah, he’s real attractive with that bright ass hair…not,” Kaicee replied sarcastically.



“Then who is it?”

“Maybe you should look in the mirror,” Kaicee replied standing up pushing the stroller away and heading towards the entrance to the exhibits.

“Maybe you should look in the mirror,”
Pat though when a light bulb went off, “Kaicee,” he called out and she stopped turning around.

“What,” she snapped and Pat wrapped his arms around her

“I love you, too.”

Kaicee pulled away from the stroller and felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she put her arms around Pat and he hugged her to him.

“I’m so sorry for everything, I have so much to make up to you. I was such an asshole, I’m getting help from one of the counselors with the team. I’m so sorry for everything, I don’t even know how to apologize because what I did was terrible.”

“I’m not ready to forgive you just yet, you have to work for my trust. Just promise me you’ll be there for Kendall.”

“I’ll be there for her and for you but you have to do me a favor!”


“When we leave here, we take her home and ask my mom or one of my sisters if they can watch her and we go out. It stopped being about sex with you a long time ago, I want a relationship Kaicee. A real relationship, I’m so tired of fucking around. I want to know what it’s like to be in love. We can pretend Kendall doesn’t exist for one night. We need to get to know each other and I need to show you how sorry I am for everything, please go?”


The day went by faster than they would have liked it to. Pat had a good time and Kaicee was still in shock with what had happened that she barely said anything all day. When they arrived home, the entire Kane family was surprised to see that they were getting along and that they were going to have dinner together that night.

Donna jumped at the chance to watch her granddaughter. She was just happy they were getting along from out of nowhere. They went from hating each other the day before to getting along the next day.

At dinner, Pat and Kaicee didn’t know what to say to each other. Kaicee was the first one to break the silence asking Pat about the end of the season and in return he asked her things he never knew about her and he apologized over and over again for what he had done.

They got home and Kaicee changed into pajama shorts and a t-shirt before getting Kendall ready for bed. She walked into Pat’s room where he was sitting on the bed shirtless and watching a movie.

“She’s already sleeping,” he asked.

“That’s what babies do, Pat,” Kaicee replied, “They sleep a lot the first couple of months.”

“Want to watch a movie?”

“Not tonight, I’m tired so I think I’m going to bed.”

“You can sleep in here, if you want. That way if she wakes up, you’re here already.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Come on, it’s not like we haven’t share a bed before. We have a lot to talk about still and my mom won’t care, how else do you think she knows Kendall got here?”

Kaicee rolled her eyes and walked over to Pat’s bed. He moved over and she crawled in next to him.

“Goodnight, Kaicee,” he said turning off the lamp placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Night Pat,” she said turning to face the crib. Pat watched her sleep and he wanted to touch her but he didn’t want to push his limits. He didn’t want them to be right back where they started from. He closed his eyes and saw his daughter’s face and for the first time in his life, Patrick knew he had to change. Not only for himself and his career but for his daughter, it was never too late to do it and Pat promised he’d never hurt Kaicee again, he just hoped he could keep that promise.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Chapter 10-Up in Smoke

Kaicee and Erica were sitting in the Kane family’s backyard sitting at the patio table. Kendall was sound asleep in Kaicee’s arms. She was now a month old, Patrick’s season ended early which meant he’d be home any day now and Kaicee was dreading every minute of it. Kaicee and Erica were enjoying the rare warm day in Buffalo.

“Where’s mom and dad,” Patrick’s voice said breaking Kaicee from her thoughts and she had to resist the urge to slap him.

“They went out to get something to cook on the grill, they should be back soon,” Erica replied coldly to her brother.

Pat looked at Kaicee and walked into the house slamming the sliding glass door behind him without saying anything.

“It’s nice to know he acknowledged his daughter,” Erica said sarcastically and Kaicee rolled her eyes, “I mean you would think you leaving Chicago and coming home to Buffalo would teach him a lesson but no, he’d rather fucking party every night.”

“I’m done worrying about it and crying over it,” Kaicee replied, “Kendall is better off without him.”

Jackie and Jessica soon joined them at the table. Kendall was now awake and Kaicee excused herself to go inside and get a bottle for Kendall. Jessica and Jackie noticed how much Kendall looked like Patrick. She had his eyes and no doubt she had his hair. The blonde curls were starting to grow and when she would make certain faces, it reminded them of their brother.

Kaicee was in the kitchen boiling water on the stove to heat the bottle when Patrick came in.

“So, that was a cute stunt you pulled,” he said, “What gives you the right to take my daughter?”

Kaicee ignored him and started mixing the formula. Patrick rolled his eyes and walked into the living room.

“You have no reason to roll your eyes at me and what gave me the right to take her was the fact that she is MY daughter too,” Kaicee began, “And I was bringing her home to your family, it’s not like I was taking her to Mexico and never coming back. Another right I have is the fact that I have been more of a parent than you. You fucking went out the night of your daughter’s birth with your friends instead of staying in the hospital to try to get to know her. I don’t blame her if she grows up to hate you for not being there because we’re not coming back to Chicago once the season starts again. I hope you fucking die alone, you piece of shit.”

Kaicee tested the bottle on her arm and walked outside and took her daughter from Jessica and began feeding her, Pat stood up and walked outside.

“You’re a fucking bitch, do you know that,” he began not caring if his sisters were around, “I never should have fucking slept with you. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want; you’re not the boss of me. How do I even know that’s my kid? Being the whore you are, you could have slept with the whole fucking city for all I know. I’m sure your precious little Jonny would love to be the kid’s father since he fucking acts like he is.”

“Patrick,” Erica said, “Shut the fuck up.”

“Mind your own fucking business, Erica,” he snapped.

“No, I will not mind my own fucking business. She’s my fucking niece and Kaicee is my best friend, grow the fuck up and accept the responsibility that you have a fucking kid. Kaicee has been busting her ass and not sleeping at night taking care of your daughter that you could give two shits about. What you did that night at the hospital was unacceptable and I hope you regret it every damn day of your life but you won’t.”

“Fuck you both,” Patrick replied glaring at the two of them before walking into the house.

Later on that night, the whole family including Patrick and Kaicee were sitting outside eating dinner and trying to act normal. Kendall was upstairs taking a nap in her crib that was located in Pat’s room.

Kaicee had the baby monitor placed in front of her incase Kendall would wake up and would be crying. Kaicee was getting ready to take a bite of her food when Kendall began crying.

“Sit down,” Erica said, “Patrick will go get her.”

“I’m not getting her,” he replied taking a bite of his burger.

“Erica, it’s okay,” Kaicee smiled weakly, “I got it.”


“Fuck you, Erica.”

“Stop it,” Donna warned, “All you’re doing is upsetting each other and Kaicee. Let’s just have a nice family dinner.”

“Patrick’s not my brother,” Erica said, “If he was my brother, he’d be a man and go get his daughter that he doesn’t want anything to do with but newsflash Pat, she lives with us and she’s going to be around for the rest of your life. You might as well accept this shit now.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Pat said, “I told you to mind your business.”

“It’s all of our business,” Jessica finally spoke up breaking her silence, “I’ve remained neutral for too long because I love you and you know I’d do anything for you and you give us anything we want when we ask for it but Pat, Erica’s right. You have to learn to accept the responsibility that Kendall is your daughter. You’re just as guilty as Kaicee, you two created her but Kaicee is struggling Pat. She needs help, we’re trying to help her but Kendall needs two parents to love her not just one. Now go upstairs and get that baby before we all kick your ass, mom and dad included. Did you know mom cries every night because the Patrick she raised isn’t the Patrick that is sitting at this table right now with us? She wonders how you got to be the douche bag that you are.”

The table was in complete silence as Pat pushed his chair back and stalked off into the house. Kendall stopped crying over the baby monitor when they all heard the door to his room open up. As soon as Pat picked her up, she stopped crying.

Pat looked at his daughter who was cuddling into his chest and he almost felt sorry for everything he had said and done to Kaicee. Kaicee appeared behind him and Pat handed her the baby. She walked out of the room and Pat shut the door behind her. Pulling out his cell phone, he called James and asked him if he wanted to go out.

Donna was in the kitchen with Erica, Jessica, and Jackie when Pat came down the stairs dressed.

“Where do you think you’re going,” Donna asked.

“I’m going out!”

“Patrick,” Donna sighed, “No, you are not. After what happened at dinner, you need to be upstairs apologizing your ass off to Kaicee and you need to be spending time with Kendall. I’m not going to sit around and watch you act like a child. You’re an adult Patrick, and being an adult has responsibilities and it’s about time you accepted yours. You call James or whoever you’re going out with and you tell them that you are staying in tonight because that’s what fathers do, they put their children first.”

Patrick tried to argue but Pat Sr. came in the kitchen, “Don’t argue with your mother, I’m not defending you this time. You’re wrong, son.”

Pat rolled his eyes and went upstairs where he saw Kaicee coming out of her room, “Pat, listen, we need to talk.”

“No we don’t. I want to thank you.”

“For what?”

“For ruining my fucking life,” he replied slamming the door to his bedroom.

Kaicee fought back the tears that were threatening to fall and walked back into the room she shared with Erica. Kendall was on a blanket on the floor, picking her daughter up, she held her to her chest and rubbed her back while kissing her forehead.

Kaicee felt like she didn’t have anyone in her life. The Kane family was there for her but her parents still hadn’t bothered to contact her just to make sure she was okay and Pat didn’t care about her. She broke it off with Jon when she left Chicago. He told her he loved her and she didn’t answer back and told them they were better off as friends. Jon agreed knowing something else was the reason she didn’t bother to say those three words but he didn’t push the issue.

Erica came up the steps and smiled at Kaicee who was changing a sleeping Kendall’s diaper before putting her into a onesie so that she could put her to bed, “Are you okay,” she asked.

“Yeah,” Kaicee replied, “I’m fine, just glad Pat knows we are all against him.”

“He’ll come to his senses now that he knows how fed up everyone is.

“I’m going to go put her to bed,” Kaicee replied, “Thank you so much, for everything.”

“We love you like a sister,” Erica said hugging her before placing a kiss on Kendall’s head, “We’re happy you’re here with her.”

Kaicee smiled and walked down the hall, Pat’s door was now slightly cracked and she could see it was pitch black. She walked over to the crib by the window and placed Kendall down gently in the crib. Pat’s snores filled the room as Kaicee turned the mobile on above the crib.

“Night baby, I love you,” she whispered to her daughter making sure the baby monitor was on in case Kendall would wake up. Shutting the door behind her, she went back into her bedroom and grabbed her clothes that she slept in before heading off to take a shower. As the hot water streamed over her body, she closed her eyes letting the tears fall. The hot water relaxed her and she finished the shower when the water started to go cold.

Kaicee crawled into bed and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. An hour later, she heard crying over the baby monitor. Climbing out of bed slowly and half asleep, she walked down the hall to Pat’s room. She noticed the light was on and she peeked through the door to see Pat holding Kendall on the bed rubbing her back soothingly.

Kaicee smiled and was about to open the door to go in when she heard Pat finally talk to his daughter, “Oh sweetie,” he began, “I don’t hate you, don’t ever think that. I love you and I promise I’m going to be the best daddy that I can be to you. I love mommy too.”

Kaicee wasn’t sure she had heard what she had heard, she was still half asleep. Deciding to ignore it, she opened the door.

“Hey,” Pat whispered, “You didn’t have to get up.”

“I didn’t know if you were home or not,” Kaicee replied standing against the door frame.

“Why wouldn’t I be home,” Pat snapped.

“I just figured you went out with James anyway,” Kaicee shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t,” he replied angrily and Kaicee sighed.

“Look, I’m not going to fight with you, it’s too late for that. I was thinking about taking her to either the zoo or the park tomorrow and you can come if you want, quite frankly I don’t care what you do anymore. Make sure you turn the mobile on before you put her back to bed,” she said walking out of the room and back down the hall to Erica’s room. She now doubted what she heard Pat say and she cried herself to sleep.