Saturday, August 28, 2010

Chapter 4-Got a secret, can't keep it

The tension between Patrick and me the next day could have been cut with a knife. Donna and Pat knew why Patrick and I weren’t getting along but Erica, Jackie, and Jessica were completely clueless.

“Want to go pick some stuff up for the baby today,” Patrick asked when he passed me in the upstairs hallway after I had finished with my shower and got dressed.

I acted like I didn’t hear him before I opened the door to Erica’s room. Before I knew what was going on, Patrick had me pressed against the wall with his lips attached to mine. I wanted so bad to kiss him back but we all knew where that lead to and after our fight yesterday, I didn’t trust him anymore.

“Patrick, just stop,” I said pushing him away from me.

Patrick let me go without a fight and I walked into the room gently closing the door behind me, “I’m sorry,” he whispered on the other side of the door.

“You should have thought about that before you did what you did,” I replied.

“Just please, talk to me.”


“Kaicee, please,” he pleaded and I sighed in defeat opening the door.

“You have five minutes.”

“I’m really and truly sorry, what I did was wrong. You didn’t deserve to be lied to.”

“Time’s up,” I said slamming the door in his face.

“Bitch,” he yelled on the other side of the door.

“DICKHEAD,” I shouted back before I collapsed on my bed in tears while clutching my stomach.

I was tired of crying over a guy that I didn’t even love and that even didn’t love me. I felt sorry for our baby who wasn’t even born yet and had two parents that don’t know what they want.

I closed my eyes and fell back asleep, a few hours later I woke up to my cell phone going off. I looked at the clock and it read seven pm which meant Pat was probably out at some bar fucking a random chick and drinking. Quite frankly, I didn’t care. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted.

I crawled out of bed and threw my hair in a ponytail before I washed my face and slipped into my pajamas.

I walked downstairs to get something to eat when I saw Donna, Erica, and Patrick sitting at the dining room table from the mirror by the steps.

“Patrick, how could you do that to her…and to us? She’s the mother of your baby and you better grow up and be a man before she walks out of our lives forever and we never get to see our grandchild and you never get to see your son or daughter,” I heard Donna say to Patrick who stared at the table the entire time.

“I don’t love her, mom.”

“Oh right, you loved having sex with her,” Erica sarcastically replied.

“Stay out of this, Erica.”

“I’m not staying out of anything, Patrick. She’s my best friend and you ripped her heart right out of her chest and walked all over it.”

“Enough you two…Patrick, go upstairs and apologize to her right now. I know she doesn’t want anything to do with you but please make things right for that baby’s sake.”

Patrick sighed in defeat and I walked down the steps the rest of the way and down the hall towards the dining room.

“Patrick, can we talk,” I asked and he looked up from tracing the ring around his glass and nodded his head.

I opened up the patio doors and sat down on the glider that over looked the entire backyard and swimming pool. Pat sat down next to me and grabbed my hand, I didn’t bother to pull away because I didn’t want us to fight anymore.

“Before you yell at me, please just hear me out. I’m so sorry from the bottom of my heart, Kaicee, I never meant to hurt you. I know we’re not together and we more than likely never will be but for our child’s sake I want to work everything out with you. We both created the life growing inside you and I wanted to continue living my life without giving any thoughts to how yours would change. I pray every night to God so that I can be a better person, I have a lot of growing up to do and I know that you do also and the baby could help us with that. Please don’t hate me, Kaicee.”

“I don’t hate you, Patrick,” I replied looking him in the eye, “I really don’t, I hate what you’ve become.”

“I hate what I’ve become too,” he whispered and I felt sorry for him so I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug.

“Until you go back to being who you were, I can’t trust you. We can be civilized with each other for the baby’s sake but I know as soon as I put all of my trust back into you, you are going to rip my heart out of my chest once again.”

Pat didn’t say anything and we sat there in silence, “Want to go swimming?”

“I just told you off and you want to go swimming,” I laughed and he cracked a smile.

“We can be friends, right?”

“I guess!”

“Let’s go then,” he said as he pulled his t-shirt and shorts off and ran down the steps of the deck before he dove in the pool.

“Come on, Kaicee,” he yelled and I rolled my eyes before I walked into the house and got something to eat before I went back to bed.

A few hours later, I was woken up by Patrick who informed me that we had a flight to Chicago the next day.

“Come on Kaicee, wake up,” Patrick whispered gently shaking me.

“I’m sleeping,” I mumbled curling into the pillows.

“You can sleep on the plane.”

“What,” I asked sleepily as I looked at my phone and it read 6:00am.

“My mom packed your suitcase last night and everything that you would need, come on get dressed, we’re going to Chicago.”

“Ha ha, good one Patrick,” I said rolling my eyes and laying back down.

“I’m being serious, Kaicee. The season is next month and I’m going back now so I have time to settle in. I want you there with me.”

“Patrick, we just got back on the right track with everything that happened the day before yesterday and I don’t want to ruin that by going to Chicago. Let me stay here for a little while and then when the time is right, I’ll come out.”

“NO,” Patrick said loudly, “You’re carrying my baby, I already have an OBGYN for you thanks to Brent’s wife now please don’t make me fight with you again.”

“FINE,” I growled and Pat smirked in victory as I got dressed.

We arrived at the airport and my stomach growled and everyone looked at me in the security line. Pat patted my stomach and laughed, “Someone’s hungry.”

“I really want Starbucks and either a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel from McDonald’s or a cinnamon roll for Cinnabon.”

“How about all three?”

“MMM YES! Patrick, you’re amazing.”

He laughed as our luggage was sent through the scanner and we walked through the metal detector.

“Are you excited about going to Chicago,” Pat asked.

“Eh, not really. I’m worried about what everyone is going to think of me since I’m pregnant and we’re not together.”

“Don’t worry about what people say, I’m going to stick by you no matter what.”

“You’ve said that before and look what happened.”

“Kaicee, I told you I was sorry.”

“I know you did but Patrick you have to see it from my point of view. I’m the one carrying the baby and when I’m hurt, they’re hurting too.”

“Let’s not talk about this, it will make the plane ride miserable.”

“I’m fucking hungry, are you buying me breakfast or what?”

“Will that shut you up?”

“It might,” I smiled.

“Well then, let’s go.”

I followed Patrick over to the McDonald’s where he ordered our food and he paid for it even though I told him not to. After I scarfed down my bagel sandwich and my hashbrown, Patrick bought me my double chocolate chip frappucino from Starbuck’s and my cinnamon roll.”

“You are going to get sick on the plane,” he said with a disgusted look as I crammed the cinnamon roll in my mouth.

“I’ll be okay, I’m going to sleep the whole time anyways.”

“Do you have your iPod?”

“We both have iPhones, dummy.”

“You’re a smart ass, do you have your headphone divider?”


“Can I listen to your iPhone with you?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Hey, who’s picking us up at the airport?”

“Jon is, I’m sure you heard about him before.”


“That’d be him!”

“Does he know about our uh…situation?”

“No, I didn’t know if you wanted anyone to know or not so I didn’t say anything.”

“Who are we going to tell people that I am?”

“Not everyone has to know who you are, I will tell Jon since he’s one my best friends but other than that we can say that you’re one of my sister’s friend’s who came to stay in Chicago with me since your family kicked you out. Well that’s true, but do you want them to know the baby’s mine?”

“What do you think?”

“We’ll tell Jon now and then when you have the baby, we’ll tell everyone else.”

“Okay,” I said as our flight was called. Pat was right, I spent half of the flight in the bathroom puking because of not only my morning sickness but the plane ride and the amount of food that I ate.

We landed in Chicago and I recognized Jon from the pictures on Erica’s phone, which was another story for another day that Patrick didn’t know about. Erica liked Jon but dating a teammate of Patrick’s was off limits.

“Hey Kaner,” Jon said when we walked over to him, “What’s up, man?”

“Not much just ready to play. How was your summer?”

“I trained the whole time and worked on a few things that I needed improvement on.”

“That’s great,” Patrick replied and I cleared my throat.

“I’m so sorry, I’m Jon,” he said sticking out his hand, “Kaner, I thought you were with Jenn.”

“I was with her,” Patrick replied, “She turned out to be a money grabbing whore.”

“You weren’t exactly perfect either,” I spat and Jon laughed.

“I’m Kaicee by the way.”

“Are you Pat’s new girlfriend?”


“Well, if you’re not his girlfriend then who are you?”

“The mother of my baby,” Patrick responded and Jon laughed.

“That’s a good one, Kaner.”

“I’m being dead serious, she’s Erica’s best friend and we had a friends with benefits relationship and well we weren’t exactly careful and she’s two months pregnant as of today.”

“Holy shit,” Jon replied, “Well Kaicee, it’s good to know the kids are going to have great looks. I mean Kaner’s a stud and you’re very pretty.”

“Thanks Jon,” I blushed and Patrick smiled.

“Jon, please do Kaicee and I a favor and don’t say a word to any of the guys. The last thing I need is for Bur and Sharpie to find out. They’ll have it all over Chicago by the home opener.”

“You got it dude, you’re secret is safe with me.”

Pat rubbed my back reassuringly and we walked out of the airport, I just hoped our secret stayed a secret and that the whole entire city of Chicago didn’t find out before the start of the season.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Chapter 3-Pretty Little Liar

Unfuckingbelievable! Patrick never picked me up for my doctor’s appointment. I keep texting and calling him, yet he’s not answering the phone.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” I screamed throwing my phone at the wall.

“Kaicee, sweetie, what’s wrong,” Donna asked coming into the room.

“I have a doctor’s appointment in fifteen minutes and Pat was supposed to pick me up after he got back from wherever he went.”

“Did you call him?”

“I called and sent him a text message, he’s not answering the phone.”

“I bet his battery died, he’s probably stuck in traffic since the beltway is backed up, I’ll drive you over there so you’re not late.”

“Thank you so much,” I said slipping on my flip flops as I followed Donna out of the house.

We got to the doctor’s office with five minutes left to spare, “Do you want me to come in with you,” Donna asked.

“You don’t have to, I’m fine by myself, thank you for offering though,” I replied giving her a smile as I shut the door to the car.

I signed in and sat down before I picked up a parenting magazine with a baby girl on the front that looked like Patrick. I tried not to let the tears fall as I thought about what he said to me last month when I first told him I was pregnant.

I’m going to be there for you every step of the way, I don’t want you going through this alone. I promise you that I’ll be there.

“So much for keeping a promise,” I mumbled to myself when the nurse called my name.

“Kaicee Carter.”

I closed the magazine and followed her to the back, “Room 2 on the right.”

I walked in and she shut the door. I sat down on the table and checked my phone, still nothing from Patrick. I sighed as I dialed his number but got the voicemail again, “Pat, it’s me again, please answer your phone. Just text me to let me know that you’re okay, your mom drove me to Dr. Stevens’ office.”

I laid back on the bed with my arm over my eyes to block out the light when I heard the door open. I sat up thinking it was the doctor when I saw Patrick gently close the door behind him.

“Where the hell have you been,” I asked with venom dripping from my voice.

“I was at James’ house.”

“I’m pretty sure you were able to answer the phone if you were there.”

“We were busy playing Mario Kart and my phone was on silent, I’m sorry I missed your calls. I would have answered, you know that.”

“Since when does Mario Kart give you a hickey,” I asked sarcastically pointing to the black and blue mark on his neck.

“James hit me with the controller.”

“How old are you,” I asked, “You’re a fucking liar, Patrick. I can’t believe you are lying to me in this doctor’s office while we are waiting to see if OUR baby is okay.”

“What do you care about what I do with my personal life anyways? We fuck, no feelings involved, remember?”

“I can’t believe you would rather be fucking some useless slut instead of being here for OUR baby. I don’t care about you Patrick but my God, this baby is a part of you and if you don’t get your act together soon, I will leave you without looking back, I mean it.”

Pat stood there staring at me not knowing what to say, “What’s the matter with you,” I asked, “Feel guilty for being a useless manwhore who fucked a random slut while his baby’s mother was lying in a doctor’s office alone.”

“She wasn’t a random slut,” he said barely in a whisper.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve been dating her for six months.”

“YOU NO GOOD BASTARD,” I said raising my voice, “How could you do that to me?”

“Do what to you, you mean nothing to me. You’re just some chick I fuck that I can rely on, we got ourselves into a stupid situation that we are left to deal with for the rest of our lives and have no choice but to deal with it.”

His words cut me like a knife, what happened to the Patrick that wanted this baby just as much as I did even though we were both scared? I sat up and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. His head snapped to the side and he looked at me with fire in his eyes.

“Get out,” I said with my voice cracking, “I want you out of this room, out of my life, and out of my baby’s life.”

“That’s my baby too.”

“Not anymore it isn’t, now get the fuck out before I kick your ass.”

“Kaicee,” the doctor said coming in saving Patrick. I was grateful she did or else I would have smashed his head against the wall.

“This is Patrick,” I said putting on a fake smile, “He’s the baby’s father.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, now Kaicee lie back on the bed and I will get the machine ready.”

I lifted my shirt revealing my stomach and Patrick brought his hand up to caress my small bump. I slapped his hand away as Dr. Stevens had her back turned to us. Patrick glared at me and I turned my head towards the screen.

“It’s going to be very cold, I’m sure you remember from the last time you were here,” she said turning around. She ran the ball over my stomach and showed us the small figure on the screen, “There’s your baby.”

I smiled to myself not caring if Patrick was in the room or not, suddenly I heard a rhythmic beating and I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” Dr. Stevens said turning around and Patrick grabbed my hand. I pulled away and shot him a glare before Dr. Stevens printed out the pictures and wiped the gel off of my stomach, “Do you two have any questions for me?”

“No, I’m good,” I replied.

“Me too,” Patrick replied smiling and I wanted to smack the smile right off of his face.

“Great then we’ll set up an appointment for next month and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me.”

“I’ll meet you in the car,” Patrick said coldly before he walked out of the room.

Once he was out of the room, I broke down. Even though I felt no romantic connection to him, I felt a pain in my stomach. It was like our baby knew that their daddy hurt their mommy.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and walked out of the room and to the reception desk. I scheduled my appointment and walked outside. I saw Patrick leaning against his Tahoe and I started walking the other way when he started calling my name.

“KAICEE,” he shouted as I reached the bus stop outside of the doctor’s office.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it, I can’t fucking believe you lied to me. I trusted you.”

“I never meant to get a girlfriend, it just happened.”

“So much for not doing relationships, huh? You’re who they say you are Patrick Kane, a lying, manipulative, manwhore who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I hate you, you’re lucky I want my baby to have a father or I would be on the first flight back to New York City.”

“Get in the car,” he said, “Please, I know you hate me right now but the last thing I want is you getting hurt and putting the baby’s life in jeopardy.”

I didn’t bother to argue, he did have a point. I wanted to keep my baby safe just as much as he did so I got into his car.

The whole ride home, it was silent. Patrick tried to make conversation but I just turned my headphones up louder to drown him out.

We pulled into a gas station and he pulled up next to a gas pump. He got out of the car and headed in to pay. I noticed his phone had fell out of his pocket. It started to ring and I looked at the screen.

I smirked as I saw, ‘Jenn<3,’ blink.

“Hello,” I said pressing the green call button.

“Hey is Patrick there,” she asked, “Wait a second, who is this?”

“He’s baby’s mother, who is this?”

“I’m his fucking his girlfriend.”

“Oh, so you’re the infamous girlfriend. I’m Kaicee by the way, his two year fuck buddy. You didn’t know that though did you?”

“Put him the fuck on the phone,” she snapped.

“No can do, he’s in the store paying for a tank of gas right now.”

“Put him on the phone right now, you whore!”

“I’m sorry the only whore here is Patrick, I really am pregnant though, have fun knowing that you’re dating a lying, no good scumbag who got a girl pregnant.”

I smiled as I ended the call and threw the phone back onto the floor.

Patrick got back in the car and picked his phone up, stuffing it back into his pocket.

“You might want to call Jenn back by the way, she’s really upset that you didn’t tell her you knocked someone up,” I smirked and his eyes went wide in horror.

“What the fuck is your problem? Why would you answer my phone?”

“It fell out of your pocket, rang, and I picked it up trying to be nice. I thought I’d share the wonderful news about our baby.”

“You’re a real bitch, I hate you.”

“Trust me Kane, the feeling’s mutual.”

We got back home and I got out of the car slamming the door. I walked into the house and was greeted by Donna who was asking us how the doctor’s appointment went.

“How’d it go honey?”

“Fine,” I said smiling and showing her the pictures, “We heard the heart beat today.”

“Do they know when your due date is?”

“Somewhere around March 17.”

“St. Patrick’s Day baby,” Pat Sr. said, “Little Leprechaun perhaps.”

I just laughed and Patrick walked into the house and into the kitchen. I heard a beer can opening and the patio door slam.

“ASSHOLE,” I yelled and Donna looked at me concerned.

“What the hell is going on here?”

“Why don’t you ask your no good, lying son who has had a girlfriend for six months and has been lying to us all?”

“HE HAS WHAT,” Pat Sr. shouted.

“A girlfriend, her name is Jenn, I found out today when he came to the appointment late because he was having sex with her. He told me that I meant nothing to him, that’s why he didn’t have to tell me that he was seeing anyone.”

“He said that to you,” Donna asked.

“Clear as crystal.”

“Patrick, let’s go we have some ass to chew out.”

“Kaicee, you’re coming with us,” Pat Sr. said. “We want to know everything he said to you.”

We walked outside and saw Pat on the phone arguing with some, “Yes she’s pregnant…she’s not a whore…yes it’s my baby…I don’t love her…breaking up is the smartest thing you’ve said all day…yeah yeah fuck you too, bitch.”

“PATRICK TIMOTHY KANE,” Donna shouted and Pat almost dropped his phone.

He quickly stuffed his phone back into his pocket and looked at the three of us standing there with wide eyes.

“H-hi mom,” he stuttered.

“Don’t ‘hi mom’ me, you little bastard.”

“What did I do,” he asked.

“You know damn well what you did,” Pat Sr. said snapping at his son.

“How dare you tell Kaicee that she didn’t mean anything to you. She’s the mother of your baby and my God, Patrick, you will respect her, Patrick. I raised you better than that,” Donna said.

“Why did I have to be that father of this kid, why couldn’t the baby be someone else’s mistake?”

“Well, now you should have thought about that before you thought with your penis two years ago,” Pat Sr. said, “Kaicee’s the best thing that has ever happened to you and I don’t care if you two love each other or not but my grandchild will have both of their parents.”

Patrick just stood there stunned, quite frankly, I was too. I never expected his parents to react the way they did. I didn’t know what to think, I walked back into the house and flopped down on the bed and went to sleep. When I woke up, I realized that it was nighttime now. I looked at the clock and saw that it was a little bit past one in the morning. I saw that Erica was asleep and I silently walked over to the dresser and pulled out a tank top and a pair of shorts to wear.

Quietly closing the door behind me, I slipped into the bathroom. I turned the hot water of the shower on and shed my clothes before I got it letting the hot water spray all over me. I was almost done washing my hair when I felt a draft in the shower. I looked up and saw Patrick standing there outside the curtain.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I said wiping my eyes.

“No,” he said sternly grabbing my hand.

“I swear to God, Patrick,” I began, “I just want to take a shower and go to bed. Please leave me alone.”

Sighing in defeat, he walked out of the bathroom. When he closed the door and I was sure he was down the hall, I broke down.

I wasn’t in love with Patrick, that was one thing I was sure of, but I did love our baby. I don’t know why Patrick did what he did. I wasn’t ready to forgive him, he hurt me in more ways than one. I knew we’d never be together but did he have to throw that up in my face.

I finished my shower when the water ran cold and I got dressed. I walked by Patrick’s room and the first night we started this whole thing came into my mind. I felt another tear fall and I quickly wiped it away. I was about to open the door to head back into the room I shared with Erica when Pat grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me into his room.

“Can we talk?”

“I’m done talking to you, you mean nothing to me.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Patrick said looking down at his feet.

“You said it though, didn’t you?”

“I’m so sorry, I was wrong. I should have told you about Jenn but I was afraid of hurting you. Let’s face it, even though it’s just sex to us, we’re attached. I let go of you but I didn’t know if you’d let go of me so I lied to her and I lied to you.”

“It’s not about her or me, it’s about our baby. Patrick, I spent half of my childhood without my dad and I don’t want my baby doing the same thing. I want you in their life but if this is how you are going to react then I don’t want you in neither mine nor theirs.”

Patrick just stood there not saying a word, I turned to leave and I felt his arms around me.

“I’m so sorry, I really mean it,” he said kissing my forehead, “Jenn’s not in my life anymore and she never will be again. I want my son or daughter to know their father and starting today I’m going to be here for you. I want to prove to you that I can be a father, you just need to give me another chance. You mean something to me, you’re the mother of my unborn baby. I know that I really hurt you today and from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”

I finally wrapped my arms around him and gave him a hug, “Pat, I’m really tired, can I please go to bed?”

“Goodnight,” he whispered letting me go and I walked out of the room.

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows, I prayed to God that things would work out for the better for my baby’s sake but knowing my luck they wouldn’t, thanks to the man who lied to me the most, Patrick Kane. I knew we’d never be together but I was worried my son or daughter would be disappointed by a father who would lie to them every day of their lives.